A MODEL FOR COPING WITH GRIEF

2 Samuel 12:21 “His servants asked him, "Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat"

Every Christian deals with loss and grief at some time during their life. It might come in the form of the death of a loved one, the loss of a financial position, the loss of good health or the shattering of dreams. When this happens, we naturally ask, "Why?" and along with the original loss, we are sometimes tempted to lose our faith in God’s goodness. We enter a period of grief. How should we deal with this grief? Is it wrong to grieve? Has God forsaken us?

The first thing the Christian faced with a loss should understand is, that it is "okay" to grieve. Jesus said, "Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted." The word "mourn" comes from a Greek word that means "to lament or bemoan oneself". Jesus said that we who bemoan ourselves are to be envied - blessed. Why is that? Because those who mourn will be comforted. We are not helpless in our grief. He is here to give us the strength to go on and to live successful lives. In fact, he wants to change our losses into gains.

Our scripture offers a Biblical pattern for the grief process in a story from the life of David. You may recall that David committed adultery with Bathsheba, she became pregnant with his child and he had her husband killed. They then married but their child died soon after birth.

How did David respond? First, we see that David got down on the ground, fasted and prayed. That’s what we should do as well, when we are faced with new pain, disability or loss. We should humble ourselves, fast and pray. We should seek the Lord and ask him to restore us. When it became evident that God had not answered David’s prayer in the way he had hoped, the scripture says that he "arose". That is what we need to do as well. At some point, we must "rise above" our grief and sorrow, pick up the pieces and go on. Next, it says he "washed". Each one of us is God’s vessel to be used for his purposes. Then, he "anointed himself". Oil is a symbol of the Holy Spirit. We know that one of the very names used for the Holy Spirit is "The Comforter". At this point in the grief process, we must let the Holy Spirit minister to us in two ways: First, we need for him to comfort us in our grief. Then we need to let him empower us for the road ahead. Next, he "changed his garments". We need to do that as well. Put away the mourning clothes - God is about to do something new. Put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. Then, he "worshipped" God. We, too, need to worship him. In his extreme situation, Job was able to say, "The Lord gives, the Lord takes away; Blessed be the Name of the Lord." Does that sound too difficult? If God is God, he deserves our worship whether things are going well in our lives or not. Once you really know him, you will find it possible to worship him - even in the worst of circumstances. Finally, he "went in to Bathsheba and lay with her" and she gave birth to Solomon. I’m sure that David and Bathsheba, like all parents, had dreams for that first child - dreams and hopes that were dashed and left unfulfilled when he died.

Do you have dreams that now seem destined to remain unfulfilled? Had you hoped that your life would turn out differently? Give up those hopes and dreams to God and let him give you new ones, just as he gave David and Bathsheba a new son. God has created us for good works that we should walk in them.